GUESS WHAT, CHOKNAT?!

nakakita ako ng nahuhulog na bituin habang dumadaan sa fly-over ng Katipunan. :D

hindi naman siya super ganda na parang mula sa panaginip ko lang. I'm not even that sure kung falling star nga siya. mas mukha siyang ligaw na fireworks, but still, nakakita ako. and I guess may wish ako? ;)

100ths
are meant to be HAPPY.

translation: hindi ito magiging malungkot. tsaka, kamusta naman, naka-apat na depressing posts nako in a row. nakakasawa.

---
When the walking calculator meets the Lit. geek, there will be chaos and nothing will ever be certain.

WC's life is seems ordinarily perfect. In a world where divorce and adultery is somewhat not extraordinary, his family seems to be the ideal. His parents are both architects, he and his siblings are given the natural gift of intellect. While his other siblings excell in at least one field, WC sees himself as an underachiever. He doesn't exert much effort despite his talent. Instead, he focuses on Mathematics which, in his opinion, is the greatest subject ever discovered.

One explosive day during Chemistry class, WC meets LG, an introvert who has a reading fixation. Sparks fly but like two very proud opposite magnets, they attempt to defy fate and their attraction to each other's irresistible charms.

Do they have what it takes to face this new threat to their life's normal and equilibrical state?

---
cliche. cliche.
CWJ doesn't need cliches.
suggestions for names are truly appreciated.

SCRIBBLED ON 19:54

I am still crying -- crying for my father's irrational acts, hypocritical attitude and unruly behavior; crying for my mother's pains, sacrifices and almost used up patience. I'm crying for my brothers, who are too... strong not to cry about this issue.

I'm crying for my pitiful fate of witnessing all of this. I'm also crying for my weaknesses and shortcomings. I'm crying for the past. I'm crying unshed tears that were stored during life's most depressing moments.

I try to control my breathing; fearing to show all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I'm holding my breath to suppress my gasps for air. I'm giving into depression while attempting not to give away any sign of all this senseless self-pity crap.

My voice betrays me by echoing cries of confusion and hopelessness. I break down. Tears race down silently. I hold my breath, trying to calm myself down.

My hand is trembling. This is stupid.

I've never been strong enough to deal with this kind of problems. I'm too weak, too much of a fool to believe that this is/was perfect.

OPEN NAMAN AKO SA DISTRACTIONS. :D

pero huwag naman sana 'yung sobrang dami
na parang mas lalo pa akong malulunod.

UPDATES:

new seatplan! same moodswings.
* hanggang kailan ba ako maghihintay?

RANDOM MOOD SWINGS.

bakit masama ang mood swings?
masama ang mood swings dahil nagagawa nitong _______ ang tao. kapag naging _______ ang isang tao, ang mga tao sa paligid niya ay ma-_______ dahil hindi nila alam kung anong meron sa kanilang kaibigan. masama ang mood swings dahil nakakabobo ito, lalong lalo na kung ang kasalukuyang nadarama nung tao ay negatibo.


at oo, minu-mood swings ako ngayon. bakit?
kasi parang ayoko na. I mean, ayoko na. nahihirapan ako at ayoko na. ayoko kasi _________. nakakaasar kasi eh, parang. parang hindi ko alam? nawala yung train of thought ko. nahihirapan ako kasi hindi ko alam kung san ppwesto. naiintindihan mo ba yung feeling na yun? parang tanga lang. hindi ko maintindihan.

dagdag:
tinatanong nila mama kung nasagot ko ba yang walang kwentang NCAE. and na "mamaya bumagsak pa ako dyan".

MAMA: ako nga 99% dun. tas sa UP 94%. ikaw, Eric? naka-ilan ka?
PAPA: ano ka? highest yata ako dun! 99. naka-99.9% ako dun.
MAMA: totoo? hindi kaya.
PAPA: oo, quota course kaya ako dun.
MAMA: pano pa kaya ako, Biology kaya ako dun.

what the heck, iba na ang UPCAT ngayon noh. don't expect me to be all henyo-y kasi hindi ako ganun.

---
* my dad is known for exaggerating things.

THIS IS A STORY OF A GIRL
who cried a river and drowned the whole world.


nalulungkot ako. don't ask.

HELLO, THREE DOORS DOWN. MAGSASAWA SA'YO TENGA KO! :D

NAKAKAMELT.

Rent Songs + Therese's Here With Me = TUNAW + IN LOVE FEELING

joke. mas nakakamelt yung kanta ni Therese. :)

---
And you're so much more than wonderful.

RENT :)

kakatapos lang magdownload sa uTorrent ang soundtrack ng Rent. HURRAH HURRAH! :) ang galing galing! parang kahapon lang mga 30-something % palang. tas ngayon nagulat akong tapos na. HAHA! okaay, babaw. :)

okay, nakakaLSS. :)



---
I am officially unleashing the random/nonsensical side of this blog. :)

CURRENTLY FEELING:
pretty cranky.

cause/s: family's endless debates about buying a new car. stupid DSL. laptop's busted condition. my Father's eagerness for me in accompanying him tomorrow.

watch Pixar's Presto! :D it could cheer you up if you're feeling (lack of negative word/term). :)

CLICK ME TO WATCH!

LOVE LETTER. :">
the by-product of boredom and iTunes.

Fascinating New Thing,

You delight me. You're what I go to school for. When I'm with you, I'm so close to feeling alive.

I've got to be honest. I'm falling even more in love with you. (This is not your ordinary, no, ordinary love. I was not prepared enough to fall so deep in love.)

You came into my life, sent from above. When I've lost hope, you showed me love. Ha-Ha! Now I know why they say the best things are free. ;)

I'm surprised that you've never been told before that you're lovely and you're perfect and that somebody wants you. If you only knew.. I've been waiting for you all my life. So long I've thought I was asylum bound but just seeing you makes me think twice. And being with you here makes me sane I fear I'll go crazy if you leave my side.

You can count on my love. There's nothing in the world that will change my mind. I'll be true. I'll be useful. I'll be cavalier. I'll be yours, my dear. And I belong to you if you just let me through. I don't mind spending everyday, out on your window in the pouring rain.

Oh how can I face the faceless days if I should lose you now? Can we make this last forever? 'Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose. And it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why -- I can't keep my eyes off of you.

---
credits:

Semisonic, Busted, Jon McLaughlin, Dashboard Confessional, Lifehouse, MYMP, Monica, Sister Hazel, Liz Phair, Maroon5.

HELLO 90^TH POST! :)

I thank thee, Bic Runga. you provided me some sort of inspiration for this post. your song, SWAY, is the perfect song for the moment. :)

---
ikaw na nagbabasa nito. :)
gusto kong malaman mo.
na kanta ko para sa'yo yung sway?

HA-HA! whatever. ewan. hindi ko alam.

TO: TISSUEPAPERPOET.

I've missed you! I've missed you so.

GIANT CRUNCH

an intoxicating smell of apples
flooded the car whilst my brother
tried to lure me in wanting to
drink from his C2 bottle.
I knew his intentions.
he wanted to take a piece
from my chocolates.

no, it wasn't greed.
it wasn't purely my intention
for keeping/savoring the
huge bar of chocolate.
it was that -- my intention
of keeping/savoring
plus my uncertainty
of opening it.

whatever.
it was just too
weird? scratch that.
it was pretty
mind-boggling.
hm, I wonder what's
the occasion.
it was pretty
surreal but nice. :)

I promise I will
pay you back. :)

---
I'm losing my touch.
I keep on making crappy entries.

COME ON!

I've thought you've lived to tell the tale.
now it feels as though you've been hit by an arrow
and your gasps for air are limited.
you've moved on.
don't convince yourself otherwise.
you're just lying to yourself.
you're just craving that feeling --
that feeling of intense unrequited love.
you're itching to prove your feelings.
but too scared to prove your feelings
to the one who's currently owning it all.
you're pretty afraid that history would repeat itself.
but you're too weak to suppress everything.
you keep on changing your mind.
have you forgotten that this is not only about you?
that others count on you for her happiness?
that you're pretty lucky to have her?
why is it that you keep coming back?
that you're still haunted by the ghost of the past?

you're such a coward!
snap out of it!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE -
missing someone way too much?

it feels pretty stupid. it's like waiting for a miracle; like counting on something impossible. it's sort of like anticipating something so much that you have to make yourself preoccupied with some sort of a distraction to pass time, then finding out that only minutes have past and you still have to wait for hours.

missing someone way too much is like... it's like craving for chocolates that are only available in... like the North Pole or somewhere as silly as that. missing someone way too much is like... it's like that desperate need to escape from the harsh realities of life. it's as if this great need to do something infiltrates everything and you just can't get it out of your system. it's pretty much like being hopeless amidst every happy and blissful thing happening around you.

missing someone way too much is like... it's like Kat waiting for something impossible to happen. it's sort of like sitting in front of the damn computer waiting for some miracle to unfold. missing someone way too much is not doing the Panata Sa Sangnilikha crap that is required for every student and instead typing this crappy nonsensical entry full of angst and sadness. :|

TULAD NG DATI.
dati = past.
do the math.

full moon na ulit. naaalala ko yung dati. alam mo bang hindi ako makapaniwalang hanggang ngayon hindi mo pa tinatanggal 'yung tula? akala ko nagsawa ka na 'dun by now. akala ko rin na hindi mo pa yun dinedelete kasi 'yun nalang 'yung natitira. I mean, na nadelete mo na 'yung exact message at na natanggal mo na sa multiply. pero alam mo, sort of natutuwa ako. kasi kineep mo 'yun. I guess talagang natuwa ka noon dahil dun?

ang mga sophomores ngayon ay abala sa kanilang Mayamang Babae-Pobreng Babae. naalala ko nung gabi ng Agosto 23. naalala ko 'yung napag-usapan nating "magch-Chinese dress nga ako eh"-"dadaan ako sa classroom niyo". naalala ko nung napadaan ka nga sa classroom. pero hindi ko lang matandaan kung sinabi ko ba talaga sa'yo kung kailan yung period namin ng Pinoy noon, kasi eksaktong MB-PB time ka dumaan (hindi nga lang sumakto sakin, pero as if naman aasa pa ako)

gaya nga ng stat mo nung araw na nabasa mo yung "Lourdes Rowena Sabellina" post (na hindi ko alam kung para ba sa'kin o ano): on my own. on your own.

somehow masaya ako kasi alam mo na nakapagmove on na 'ko. pasensya nalang kung naging burden pa ako sa'yo. na parang naguguilty ka sa mga kadramahan ko. gusto kong malaman mong hindi ko ireregret na nakilala kita (and na naging special ka).

gusto kong malaman mong aware ako sa limitations ko. na aware akong may nagpapasaya sa'yo. na aware akong di na talaga tulad ng dati. hindi ko nga lang sigurado kung maibabalik pa yung dati. pero sa tingin ko naman hindi mo na gusto ibalik yung eksaktong dati eh. I'm guessing na, kung gusto natin irevive yung past friendship, wala nang hihigit pa dun; purely friendship ang lahat.

kanta ko nga pala sa'yo ang Burnout ng Sugarfree. :)

---
EDIT [8:10 AM-Blogger Time]:
hindi ko alam yung dapat na mafeel ko.
naaalala mo pa pala yung libro?
ano na kayang nangyari dun?
never kong nalaman kung nagustuhan mo ba or what.

NAREALIZE KO:
kung gaano kajologs 'tong blog ko.

I mean, puro nalang stanzas.
Kat, hindi ka pa ba nagsasawa sa poetry?
hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit ganyan ka magtype.
and yung usual division of ideas mo ay by 4.

nagmumukha tuloy tula lahat ng entries mo!

para ka pang nagmomonologue.
okay, stop it. huwag nang kausapin ang sarili.
so parang ang overall tone ng blog na ito ay:
Katrina Santos is talking to herself.

NOTE TO SELF: THIS BLOG NEEDS A MAKE-OVER.

OVERBOARD.

I'm missing you way too much.

CREDITS GO TO Yahoo! Astrology
Sagittarius Horoscope.

"Work a little harder to connect to your crush. You should be a bit more obvious."

this is absurd.

FIRST-DEGREE.

a contact with a hot surface
made nerve endings agonize in pain
and rush to ask for help from the brain.

with the quick retreat of the left hand, came the heed of stupidity.
who in their right mind would touch the handle of a certain metallic
kitchen utensil, such as the skillet, with their bare hands?

at first it was three, three fingers suffering because of my oafishness.
but thanks to Colgate, Petroleum Jelly and Close-up combined,
it reduced to one: the left thumb. now with a presence of a whitish thing.

---
MORAL LESSON:

Thou shalt not touch a conductor exposed to a very high temperature.

SO NOW I'M...
taking an hour off,
sitting and thinking of
how much better this world
is than hell.

- this is my response to Archy and Mehitabel.

yes, I am that gloomy.
yes, I am that sad.
yes, I am that nonsensical.
yes, things are getting out of hand.

SA CWJ ASSIGN:

pano na 'yan, wala akong nastalk/observe.
maaari akong magsulat tungkol sa kanya,
na habang naglalakad ay nakaslouch at nagbobounce.
na habang nagtuturo ay nakatingin sa kawalan.
na nang-aasar ng mga estudyante dahil wala lang.

pwede akong magsulat tungkol sa kanya
'yung taong lagi kong nakikita pag lumilingon sa klase.
'yung taong dinadaldal ng katabi,
'yung pinagttripan ng klase
'yung nagbabasa ng nobela nang nakapikit ang mata.

pwede rin na tungkol sa kanya,
'yung kapareho 'kong hindi sumasandal sa sandalan.
na para makinig sa teacher ay naka (heads down?)
dun sa part ng chair na ginagawang sabitan ng bag (ng kalikod).
'yung taong nagsstaple ng papel kanina.

pero parang mas masaya kung tungkol sa'yo.
ikaw na nakangiti habang naglalakad.
na, bigla-bigla ko lang makikita sa campus.
na minsan ay kumakain nang nakatalikod.
na kahit gusto kong makita, di ko kayang tingnan.

---
malabo. haha. basta.

IKA NGA NI MISS CALERO:
"writers should have journals."

itinatalaga ng iba ang pagiging manunulat ng isang tao. wala tayong mga "self-proclaimed writers" dahil ang stupid nun pakinggan. wala kang makikitang tao sa daan na biglang magpopop at magsasabing: Hey, I'm a writer. ito ay sa kadahilanang magmumukha silang mga trying hard/wanna-be writers na nilolook-down upon ng society.

furthermore, masasabi kong hindi ako writer; na nagkataon lang na kasama ako sa staff ng TMag at isa ako sa mga mag-aaral ng CW/J elective.

so ano pa ang importance ng journal sa buhay ko?

* nawala ang train of thought, pagpaumanhin.

SI SANTOS 57 LANG.

ang g(-1) ay ginawang g^-1
at ang - ay naging +
nakakatawa.
nakakatanga.

"si Santos 57 lang."
bakit pa kailangang mapansin?
ba't pa kailangang ibroadcast?
ba't parang may kakaiba?

si Santos 57 lang.

alam kong nang-aasar ka lang.
pero nakakaepal lang kasi.
naweweirdohan ako sa atensyon mo.
hindi lang kasi siguro nakasanayan?

UNREQUITED LONGING AND NOSTALGIA.

Depression, mixed with regret, is a very powerful substance capable of occupying the entire brain. Furthermore, it is not an effective weapon against mind-draining questions. It contaminates every thing. It corrupts and invades the mind thus, making it impossible to work efficiently and/or think clearly.

When helplessness, desperation and the like are added, it drives a person to temporary insanity. They influence the mind on doing reckless deeds which, once done, bring infinite chagrin to the doer.

---
Thought to Ponder:
True or False.

We do not waste time on people who do not mean much to us.

NOTE TO SELF:

nakakahiya ka, kat.
suuuper, nakakahiya ka.
shit, nakakahiya ka talaga.
kasi naman, mali nanaman yung ginawa mo.
hindi ka lang pwedeng magsign-out nang basta-basta.
lalo na kung ang lousy ng sinabi mo before.
sana kasi nag-explain ka na or what.
nakakahiya ka talaga!
pwede rin naman na, hindi mo na sinabi.
or na, ugh, nakakakahiya ka!!
Ha. Ha-Ha. Ha-Ha-Ha.
HA-HA-HA-HA!
pano 'yan. hindi mo na maibabalik.

putik, nakakahiyaaa!

dearest ________,

alam ko naman na may HD ka sa'kin eh. kahit na naeepalan ako sa'yo kasi nakakailang 'yung ways ng pagpaparamdam mo, gusto kong malaman mo na natatawa nalang ako sa mga pinaggagawa mo. gusto ko rin sabihin sa'yo na naiilang ako pag lumalapit ka sa'kin. oo na, mali na yung mga pinaggagawa ko, pero sana naman huwag kang lumapit at magtanong-tanong ng mga bagay. pwede mo naman din kasi sabihin indirectly. hindi 'yung tipong tinatanong mo pa 'yung process ko ng pagkuha.

salamat nung sinabi mong cute 'yung dimples ko. salamat din nung sinabi mo na ang sarap pakinggan ng boses ko. gusto kong malaman mo na ito'y mutual. :) na nakyukyutan din ako sa dimples ko at na natutuwa ako pag naririnig ko 'yung maliit kong boses na parang pambata.

pero, hindi ka ba naaano? I mean, medyo malaki rin yung agwat ng tanda natin.

hm, so ayun. kahit na inaasar tayo. at na may nagseselos sa'kin kasi may HD ka nga... gusto kong malaman mo na hindi ko nalang sila papansinin at hindi ko 'to seseryosohin. alam ko naman din kasi na pa-joke lang 'yung mga sinasabi mo.

pero, oo. flattered talaga ako. :)) thank you ah. :) sort of kinilig ako dahil sa'yo. though I'm quite sure na mas kikiligin ako 'pag hindi sa'yo galing yun. at I'm pretty flattered na narinig ko rin 'to sa'yo, hindi lang kasi ikaw 'yung nagsabi sa'kin nun. :)

MATAGAL NA RIN AKONG
nagpost ng entry na 'di cross-posted.

Ha. Ha-Ha. Ha-Ha-Ha.
kamusta naman, imbis na mag-aral,
nandito ako nagttype ng walang kwentang entry.

will soon post
An Interview With The Sub-Conscious.

HAHA!
let's blame the PE/free period chat with:
Clara, Mico and Leah :)

PRE-UPCAT POST.

so much for overconfidence.
pakiramdam ko masyado akong relaxed
at na mabblanko ako bukas.
pero bahala na.
magagawan din 'to ng paraan.

anong mangyayare pagkatapos ng upcat?
a. magmumukmok si kat.
b. mababaliw si kat.
c. mawawalan ng pakialam si kat.
d. tatamarin na si kat mag-isip.
e. wala lang siyang gagawin
f. makakagawa siya ng sabog na poems for elective
g. all of the above.

bakit nawawalan na ng pag-asa si kat?
a. kasi naguguluhan siya sa isang bagay.
b. kasi nappressure siya.
c. kasi di pa siya nag-aaral.
d. kasi alam niyang masyado siyang overconfident
e. kasi wala siya sa tamang pagiisip
g. all of the above.

saan naguguluhan si kat?
a. sa'yo
b. sa inyo.
c. sa kanya.
d. sa nararamdaman niya?
e. sa lahat?
f. malabo. all of the above?

sabog? hindi naman kasi lahat ina-all of the above.
I mean, usually iisang sagot lang ang meron sa isang tanong.
and may root cause 'yung other causes.
and usually ito yung main answer.
so kumbaga parang may chain of causes/reactions.
pero diba usually hindi na masyadong pinapansin ang epekto ng isang epekto?
whatever.

uhm, alam mo bang sort of nag-eexpect ako
na igugoodluck-an mo ako sa upcat.
kasi diba parang ganun tayo dati?
I mean, oo, naggoodluck ka narin naman
pero ineexpect ko na maggoogoodluck ka ulit.
kasi ewan ko? siguro namimiss nga lang kita.
na namimiss ko yung dati?